Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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