If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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