does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
