With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Can I color on your dick again?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
