Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
