If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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