Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
