1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
