A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
