just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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