I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
