he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
