I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
