someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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