when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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