so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
