we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
