yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
