she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
