How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
