Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
