It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
