Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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