did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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