Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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