Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
