ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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