we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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