I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
