Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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