Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
