Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
