the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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