come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
