Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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