I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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