Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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