my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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