wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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