I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
