did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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