If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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