Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
