PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
