and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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