Please, let me fuck your mom
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
