Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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