Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
