i don't like sucking hair
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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