i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
