Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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