I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
