I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
