yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
