i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
